Unicorn Milk Cow
If you twisted my arm and asked me to define the most perfect unicorn milk cow, my response would go a little something like this:
She’s 3 years old. Painted, polled and perfect. She’s had a successful first calving - literally went out into the pasture and had the smoothest delivery ever. She got up and was the most nurturing mother to her sweet little heifer calf (because of course the perfect cow throws heifers)…
She then snuggles up to me as a thank you for being the best cow mama ever and trusts me to say hello to her little babe.
When it’s time to milk, I use a pinky to gently lead her into the barn. She gladly follows me and walks up in the stanchion. No need to lock her in or tie up her tail because she gladly stands with her back legs spread beautifully apart for me to hand milk her A2/A2 milk out of her four working teeth that are large and easy to operate with my hands. Not only is her milk A2/A2 (to help our friends with allergies experience the goodness of raw milk of course…) but her kappa casein has the BB genotype which makes the milk she’s supplying our family with clots 25% faster and is twice as firm for cheesemaking. It also means that her milk will yield more cheese per gallon of milk compared to her friends in the field. Life is good.
The entire time I’m milking her out, she doesn’t pee or poop once on the stand. Why would she? She’s a literal dream.
I run out of food halfway through milking her and she stands patiently still for me to finish collecting the milk. She feels no urge to stomp her foot or kick over the fresh milk I just collected. She willingly lets her cream down and holds none back. Whenever she feels uncomfortable, she lifts her leg ever so gently off of the ground and puts it directly back down to communicate that something is off. Of course I respond by helping her and she hugs her face into my arms as a thank you.
She’s producing anywhere from 3-5 gallons post calving while calf sharing and tampers down to 1-2 gallons by 9 months post calving to allow me to take time off and vacation to my favorite beaches in Florida. She tells me that I’ve earned a break, and I believe her.
When I let her into the field with the bull, she immediately gets bred, every single time. She also goes on to have calves flawlessly well into her teens - with a 90% heifer rate. She adopts other calves and allows them to nurse off of her, never gets mastitis and convinces you that bloat isn’t even real because she never gets it, no matter how her diet changes. She. Is. Perfect.
And she also doesn’t exist. So don’t get your hopes up, friends. Cows are a lot like people in the sense that even the ones that you think have it all together, don’t.
When choosing a dairy cow, it’s important to aim high and take an educated risk on which one comes home with you!
Choose the qualities that matter to you the most, and make them a non negotiable. From there, take the good with the bad and find a cow that fits your quarks well!